Adjust to the First Year of Marriage

Planning a wedding is difficult, but building a good marriage is even more so. There are new decisions to be made, problems to solve, and difficulties and joys to discuss and celebrate.

What are some challenges we might face in our first year?

During the first year of marriage, a couple may struggle with bouts of anxiety or confusion, perhaps a loss of enthusiasm and even doubt. But loving couples always emerge on the other side of their honeymoons, having learned from the tribulations and joys of this human relationship known as marriage. Conflicts may arise over:

Neatness: Life is full of Oscars and Felixes. The neat person won't be able to stand cleaning up alone for long, and the slob won't like all the pestering. Make chore lists or set aside time each day to devote to cleaning.
Lifestyle: Some people like to stay up late; others like retiring at 9:30. As long as the night owl doesn't keep the other person up, this shouldn't cause too much of a problem.
Sex life: You should talk about sexual needs and habits before getting married. If one person continually pesters the other, or if someone refuses intimacy too often, tension may build. This is best remedied by honest communication and open-mindedness.
Pet peeves: If one of you snores, leaves the toilet seat up, grinds your teeth or hums constantly, problems can brew. Surprisingly, these issues can be some of the most difficult to fix. Be patient.

Many couples talk about their first year of marriage in disappointed tones. It takes time sometimes to realize that marriage, like life itself, doesn't hand us joy on a silver platter. Joy in marriage must be earned, but is well worth the effort.

How can we work through these problems?

So maybe you didn't know he would clip his toenails before going to bed. Maybe you had no idea she wore that green goo on her face for the better part of a Saturday morning to clean out her pores. Get used to it. You're going to continue to annoy each other, hopefully, for many years to come. To deal with these minor annoyances, you'll need:

Flexibility: You're going to have to change some of your living habits and both parties have to compromise to an equal extent. Remember that the way you live isn't necessarily the "right way."
Patience: As the old saying goes, "Everybody's human." No matter how much of a match made in heaven you are, you're going to have problems. Don't let them cloud your entire picture of your spouse. Remember why you married your partner in the first place.
Communication: Talk about the problems you have and be honest. Talking may not solve everything, but communication certainly helps.

What if we have doubts about our marriage?

Sometimes couples who experience difficulty (particularly after a fantastic dating and engagement period) begin to wonder if they have made a mistake. But doubt isn't a sign that the marriage is doomed. Like most new ventures, we often go through a period of wondering if we're in over our heads. Likewise, couples who move through a time of doubt typically emerge on the other side much stronger in their commitment, more certain of their love.

The great thing about marriage is that when we love another person so completely we don't feel inhibited. Where else are we free to let go of all our inhibitions and peculiarities and make fools of ourselves? That's what makes marriage so wonderful.

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